Kristy 0:06

Welcome to Unshaken, the podcast where unwavering faith is real life. I'm Christy, and together with my husband Tony, we dive into authentic conversations, offering biblical insights and sharing stories that inspire resilience, especially for families navigating the unique challenges of disabilities. Join us each week as we explore faith with family and the journeys that keep us grounded in Christ. Don't forget to subscribe so you never miss an episode. Let's stand firm together. Hey Unshaken family. Welcome back. This is another episode of Unshaken, and you've got Christy, and I'm here with Tony, my husband. You may have already listened to our episode, and it was kind of around the gifts that we get, um, you know, along a uh a path that we may not have chosen. And in that episode, I mentioned a friend of mine who um who recently got a diagnosis that wasn't one that she was hoping for. And what that brought to mind for me was a time when something similar happened to Tony. And we were really impacted by that. And as is my nature, when something's on my mind, I bring it up, you know, and we talked through it and um we both agreed that it was something we wanted to kind of bring to you guys and share. Because I think that a lot of us um may have hoped and prayed and waited for an outcome that we were, you know, hoping for, looking for, and it didn't come and it's not gonna come. And the situation is still the same. The injury or the hurt isn't healed, the situation isn't resolved, things have not gotten easier. You know, because I think a lot of Christians, we've been taught to, you know, to hope and and to pray and to ask. And sometimes when we don't get the outcome that we're looking for, it's really hard to accept that. And it's really hard to then say, okay, God, you said no. What happens now? Is my hope gone? I was hoping that we could kind of talk through some of that today. The situation that happened with us happened several years ago now. And you guys all know that Tony has um cruel palsy, and we had been given information like from so many people about an orthopedic surgeon that's aligned with one of the state universities here. And, you know, everybody was like, Oh, this is the guy, this is the guy. Like, if anybody can help you, it's this man. And, you know, so we made an appointment and we, you know, we waited and took a while to get in. And if we got ready and we went there, you know, if we sat in the in the waiting room with all these like trophies and footballs and cases, because, you know, if he's the doctor for this, you know, amazing sports program. And uh, you know, it was just a weird appointment. We we were able to go in. If we um, you know, we got Tony like semi-undressed so that he could check out his his legs and his back and whatever. And, you know, he had him lay over on his belly, looked at the back of his knees, you know, had him do a few things. And then with no real ceremony at all, he, you know, he was just like, yep, there's nothing I can do. All the surgeries have been done. Um, and you'd be smart to just, you know, start preparing for a future where you're in a wheelchair because you only have so many steps left. And then essentially he just left. Like he didn't soothe it, he didn't couch it, he didn't anything. He just sort of dropped this bomb and left the room. You know, at that point, uh, we we were just kind of like looking at each other. And uh, Tony, how were you feeling? How how did that impact you?

Tony 3:50

You know, that moment was kind of like I was kind of shell-shocked, to be to be honest, because it was so sudden. There was no explanation, there was no there was no talk or anything. It was nope, can't help you, and then like he was gone out of the room. He made the statement, and less than 30 seconds later, he was gone. And we were just sitting in the room with that sort of just hanging in the air. I'm sitting there and honestly, guys, like I couldn't say anything. I remember that Christy helped me get dressed, the nurse came in and kind of knew, and and I think Christy kind of said something to her, and I think Christy was kind of upset and was looking to defend me as a wonderful person that she is, and I think the nurse had said, like, take all the time that you need, you know, you don't have to rush out of here. I think the nurse understood the gravity of the moment and understood that this was not what we were expecting, and it wasn't what we were expecting either, because like Christy said, like, I was told over and over, dozens of times, that this guy can can do something, and so my prayer was like, God help us to have a productive conversation to where we can figure out that path forward and figure out the right timing, figure out what rehab was gonna look like, and like I was already thinking like this is a done deal, like we're gonna go there, we're gonna figure this out, and he's gonna say, Yep, let's do some surgery, we we can do this, and to just be told, Nope, can't do anything and count your steps because you don't have much left. So that was really tough. Poor Christine. The ride home, which was many hours, um, because this was not close. But I don't think I said two words to her. That's not like us. We're usually pretty chatty in the car and we're joking around, we're having fun, we're having a good time, you know, anytime we're in the car, and in this case, I said nothing. That was a really hard day. There are times when it's easy to blame ourselves. Satan will will try to worm his way in to say, oh, this is because you didn't pray enough. You know, this is because you don't believe enough. You know, you haven't done enough things or whatever. This is not about weak faith. Even in those times where we have been on our knees praying faithfully, sometimes the answer is still not what we were hoping for or praying for. And God is still there in those moments.

Kristy 6:46

You know, you said shell-shocked, and I think that's probably like I can't think of a better, you know, a better word. And in those shell-shocked hours, like, I didn't know what to say either. I mean, and I was kind of thinking the same thing, like, you know, where is God in this? Like, this is not what we asked for, this is not what we expected, this is not what we thought would happen. Like, what is happening? Like, what the heck? Like, this is not, you know, this is not at all the output that we expected based on our prayer input. I think that when you pray and you're depending on outcomes for confirmation, or that if anyway, your your faith in God or even just in his goodness or his ability, if anything like that hinges on an outcome, it is really disruptive to not get that outcome. What do you do then? It's a shift, right? I mean, in theory, we've all had this mature faith, and we, you know, we get that the outcome might be no. And, you know, if an outcome isn't pleasing to God because he's got something else in mind, that's just how it's gonna go. Like, you know, it is what it is, and and we need to accept that as his sovereign answer and and get on board. But that's not always easy. We we aren't, we're we're not born mature Christians. And so I think sometimes there's a a little bit of a journey from I really thought this was gonna be a yes, I really thought this was gonna get resolved, and the place where we can be okay and we can be reliant on God in more productive ways because we've made peace with the answer was no, and it's always going to be like this. There's nothing that can change this outcome.

Tony 8:35

There's a choice to be made. We can choose to have our faith become deeper. There's a quietness in that because that's a good way to put that. We're pushing down into the soil that God has laid out for us. When struggles happen, we push our roots down deeper so that the wind doesn't knock us over. We have that choice to go deeper in our faith. When we do that, we start to learn to walk with God and walk the path that He has for us rather than looking to Him to just be Mr. Fix It. Instead of just being this series of expectations, faith is now part of the endurance that we have as we are walking through life with him, not just coming to him when w when we need something, but really deepening that relationship so that we can we can see God w working through the different things that are happening, and we can understand that that even if it's a no, it's not because we did anything wrong, but it's because God has something else in mind.

Kristy 10:08

I think if I am completely honest in this, um Tony, I think that transition, even if it was a transition, I think you were better, you were better prepared for hearing no from God, not necessarily from the doctor, but from God than I was, because I did not make peace with this, with God as readily as it, at least from the outside, looked like you did. Not because I hear me, babe. It's uh it's not that I I don't didn't want you to be disabled, or it's not anything like that. Like I wanted this for you so badly. Like I wanted you to have all of those things, all of the the opportunities, all of the, you know, the the things that that you have to say no to. Like it wasn't just like he can't help you. It was also, and so you can't get all this cool stuff. And oof, it makes me feel a little teary now, even talking about it. But I wanted that for you so badly. And it took me a hot minute to get friendly with God again about it, because what I all I could see was like, why didn't you want this for him? Like, why, why would you keep this from him? Why wouldn't you allow him this? Like he's been so faithful, like he's like he's incredible. He's such an amazing, you know, amazing guy and an amazing ambassador for you. And you're gonna hold this away from him. And it took a minute for me to to kind of get to that place where forgive me because wow, it sounds really big for my britches. But almost like it took me a while to forgive God for not doing this thing that seems like such a simple thing.

Tony 11:55

We see it in in scripture all the time. Having that sort of that sort of anger, and and I mean the obvious example that comes to mind is Job. Like, because Job was angry with God. Like it's it's obvious as you read as you read through, you know, that book of the Bible, like he was angry because of his circumstances. But the key about that is that God did not rebuke him because of because of his anger, he rebuked him because Job was getting pompous with with his sort of questions of and God just reminded him, like, were you there in the very beginning? When we are walking with God, it doesn't mean that that we won't get angry or we won't get frustrated. Walking with God is we say it multiple times on this podcast, but walking with God is a process, it's a journey of learning how to trust Him in those dark moments and enduring with open hands and understanding that when we have those open hands, that's not like grade school faith. That is the faith that he is looking for, because it's the faith that's forged in the fire that we're going through. When we have those open hands and we say, God, this really stinks, and I really thought that this was gonna happen, and I'm kind of mad that it didn't happen, but I'm gonna trust you anyway. I was scared, like to hear a doctor say to you, conserve your steps because you only have so many left. Mobility is a huge deal. To lose the ability to be mobile and to walk around and to you know to do those things. My mobility is already limited. And to to hear a doctor say, Watch how many steps you take because you don't have much left, that's hard to hear. And thank God he's given me strength, he's given me endurance, he's allowed me to continue to walk. And and I think probably by that doctor's estimates, I've probably walked more steps than he thought that I would that I would be walking at this point. And that's a great thing. I give I give credit to God and glory to God because I'm still able to walk, despite not being not being able to have, you know, a surgery that I was hoping would would make things better.

Kristy 14:38

What I will say in response to that, babe, is that at least for me, it was something of a wake-up call. And I hypothesize that you are still walking and you're you're probably in better shape than you were then because of those scary words. Like, I mean, it really was kind of a like, hey, if if this doctor thinks that you don't have that many steps left, if if your body's wearing down or whatever, we better, we better make better choices and do everything we can to keep your body flexible and strong. And I, you know, I mean, like immediately we did make some changes. And, you know, and that's God's hand too, in this, you know, in the cruelty of the of the doctor's presentation and the just the rude, dismissive way that he acted with you. He did give you some stark, you know, stark information. And um had he been gentle and sweet about it, it may not have had the impact that it, you know, that it did. You know, still nothing is, you know, what he said is like there's not a surgery that's going to make your life tremendously better. Like this isn't a situation where in three or four months you're gonna be better than, you know, better than ever. But it was uh be mindful, sir, and you know, don't take this for granted.

Tony 16:04

You've learned in in those things that there are specific things that you can do to kind of sustain yourself in like longer seasons. We learned that hey, let's not make stupid choices when it came to a long day. If we're going to a conference, I'm gonna rent the scooter so that I can get around and get from point A to point B because most of the time at a conference, there's a really tight window, and I'm not gonna make it if I have to walk from point A to point B.

Kristy 16:43

Well, and it doesn't make any sense. Like, why exhaust your body just in moving from, you know, from the hotel restaurant to the to the conference area or from the room to like let's use your energy for something, you know, far more productive, something that is gonna, you know, bring glory to the king, as opposed to get your booty, you know, into another room.

Tony 17:06

If you're tired or if you're exhausted when when you get to that room, you're not gonna focus on what the presentation is or or whatever is going on in in that activity or session or whatever. You're gonna focus on like resting and and and catching your breath and all that kind of stuff. So we have just learned to pull those levers. There's also understanding the humor in hard seasons, finding ways to I don't want to say make light of this situation, because I I don't want to make light of anyone's situation, but you know, finding those those little things that that we can do, even if it's like an inside joke between Christy and I, just little things that can put a smile on our face. She does that so many times when she knows I'm having a hard day, you know, she'll she'll be playful, she'll s do things or say things that will make me laugh, and she knows will make me laugh, just just so that I have a smile on my face again. And that's you know, I I think that's a beautiful thing when it comes to you know marriage, and it also, you know, happens within the community. When you've got a good supportive community around you, that community is there to help you step up when you're in one of those, you know, long uh seasons. You learn to carry both hope and grief at the same time. And we talked about that a little bit in our last episode, but I had to learn that quickly in going home from that doctor's appointment because there was no turning back. There was no alternative. Allowing myself to grieve what I thought was gonna happen that didn't happen, but also then refocus on the hope that is still there with God and on what he was going to do going forward is both just really extremely important, and it and it's important in those in those ordinary day-to-day grind type situations.

Kristy 19:26

I feel like it was it was almost like, you know, God, okay, we asked for we asked for a a fix. You didn't give us a fix, um, you know, for whatever for whatever holy reason that you hold, we're gonna do this the hard way. We're this is gonna be a longer, you know, a longer thing. This is gonna be a sustained, you know, a sustained situation, potentially forever. A, what can we do? What what steps can we take? You know, it's easy to kind of to kind of sit back a little bit when you think that that there's a fix, right? But once you realize it is on me now, like what can we do? But also, God, how are you gonna partner with me in this? Like, how am I gonna partner with you in this? How am I gonna lean into you? Like, teach me that. Teach me how now, instead of um, you know, having this resolution, teach me how to abide because this has become an abiding situation. Help me because there's gonna be some days that are harder than others, and I'm gonna be mad at you those days. Uh, you know, so help me figure that out and please don't leave me. Like, please stay with me every minute and you know, shape my attitude and shape my countenance, shape my just my posture toward life and this circumstance and toward you and to your leadership and to your way of, you know, of helping me through this, because faith isn't about getting the outcome that we want. What it is about is, you know, is trusting that he's always there and he's always gonna do right by us. So it wasn't the way I had in mind. Show me your way and help me do it as well as we can. That's what forever looks like now.

Tony 21:13

When we think about God's grace and we think about how we are going to like abide in him, it's not gonna be in like the grand, grandiose ways. It's gonna be in those daily ways. And like the Lord's prayer is is the Lord's prayer for a reason. Give us this day our daily bread, and that daily bread is gonna look different from day to day. It'll be a spouse that says something encouraging or that makes you laugh or makes you smile in a hard moment. It's gonna be a friend that checks in just out of the blue, you know, for no other reason but just to say, Hey man, what's thinking about you? How are you doing? What's going on today? What's what's been Going on today. Being able to take a moment when you're like tired and and just laugh. Maybe it's because you saw a funny meme or you know a real you know made you laugh or something like that. Just something that just again just infuses you with just that little bit of energy just to keep going just a little bit longer. Because we don't have to solve it for the rest of our lives in one shot. We just have to figure things out for one day. You know, again, it goes back to give us this day our daily bread. So it is going to God each day. Father, would you give us bread today? And figuring out what that looks like. That sustaining grace is still grace. Emotions are going to come and go, like we're gonna we're gonna have good days, we're gonna have bad days, but God is still there. God is still constant, and he's still with you. He's with you on the good days, he's with you on the bad days, and it's okay. Christy, what is what does that sort of look like, you know, now being on the other side of all of this, as God has sort of sustained us like going forward?

Kristy 23:33

So I think it's a lot of things, right? I mean, first of all, um the biggest thing for me is that he gave us each other. Like for me on those hard days, I have you. And you are the most beautiful gift from him. Like he picked you out for me before I was even born. He gave us each other. And I think even in like the most painful or the most undignified moments um, you know, that come with this situation or the painful, like when it's been just pain and pain and pain for days, and like your heart just cries out to him for relief and for, you know, for um just mercy and for like anything, find a way, like please help me, just please make this somehow better. If it's not your body that gets better, he's always there for your soul, he's always there for your heart. It's always gonna be enough. Like every, no matter what it is, every single day, whatever you're facing, if it's a fun day and and we're having a good time and doing whatever, and you know, out in the world, like laughing and chatting in the car on our way to nowhere because that's what I like to do. Or if it's a day when we've stayed in now three, four, five, ten days in a row because you just were feeling really cruddy. God is with us in in either circumstance. He's with us in every circumstance. And there's, I think that there's there's a process to to getting there, right? To to learning to be mindful of that and to to learning to lean into it that happens. Um, and it happens somewhere, like, I mean, hopefully it happens for, you know, before this situation, before the the do or die moment where we, you know, unfortunately got the the answer that it's no. But when it happens after that, I like I do, I think there's such a process to it. And it's, you know, two steps forward, one step back. Some days are easier to trust and to remember to lean in than others. And some days, you know, I still shake my fist at him, but but I always know that he's there. And even if it's he's there to watch me shake my fist at him, he's also there to pick me up when I like fall apart crying after that. And he's there to help you. He's there to sustain you. He's there to sustain me as I support you. Like I feel like I'm repeating myself, but really it's that's what it's about, right? It's his consistency. It's that it's not that he always shows up, it's that he never had to show up because he was never gone ever.

Tony 26:11

Faith isn't proven by getting every single outcome that we want. Faith is simply staying with God when the road is hard. And it stays hard longer than we would ultimately want. We know that not every road is going to resolve the way that we want. You know, like you said, Christine, God doesn't leave us on the whole hard roads by ourselves.

Kristy 26:42

He doesn't. He tells us, it's 2 Corinthians, I think it's 12, 9. He tells us that his grace is sufficient for us and that his power is made perfect in in weakness, in our weakness. And so when we go to him weak and broken and hurting because we didn't, you know, we didn't get the outcome that we were looking for, or really for any reason, his strength is, you know, it's like that 90-10 or whatever thing that you and I talk about that we have to get to 100. If all you got is one, God's got the other 99. Like he's you're never gonna not be a hundred ever, no matter what, because God has whatever it is that you don't have. And if you need 150, he'll have five million. Like there's just he's he's unlimited, and and it's all for you. It's all for each one of us in whatever it is that we need in our weakness. He is there, he is perfect when we are incomplete, when we are unsuccessful on our own.

Tony 27:48

His grace is not some theoretical thing. It meets us in our weakness, it stays present in all of our limitations, and he proves over and over and over again how strong that grace is when we are feeling at the end of our ropes. For me, I fall more and more in love with God when I see his grace displayed because of my weakness and my frustration. He always shows up in a way that I never expect, but it's because he's meeting me in my own weakness. He did that day as we left the doctor's office, and he still does every day since.

Kristy 28:47

You guys can't hear me nodding my head, but I am because Tony's so right. It's I mean he has summed it up.

Tony 28:54

So let me um pray, guys. I hope that this episode has uh helped you, and if it has, uh please share with a friend uh that may be going through a hard season. Um and um, you know, reach out if you need prayer. We're we're always here and we would love uh to pray with you and to pray for you. Father, we come before you and we just thank you for your grace. We don't deserve it, but you give it so generously anyway. So thank you, Father, for it. Thank you for your son who saves us from an outcome that that we do deserve, but instead your son died on a cross so that we could get an outcome that we don't. Thank you for our daily bread that you provide to us each and every day. Um thank you for all the unexpected ways that you show up and that you show us your grace and your strength. When we need it most, even on the days when we don't ask, you still give it to us, and we're so thankful. We ask that you just continue to to be with us, continue to help us abide in you more, and help us to have the confidence that your grace is sufficient for everything that we will go through daily. We love you, Father, and we ask all these things in your son's precious name. Amen.

Kristy 30:38

Amen.

Tony 30:40

Thank you guys. Hope you guys had a great day and a great rest of your week, and we'll see you next time. Bye, friends.