Welcome to Unshaken

Kristy 0:06

Welcome to Unshaken, the podcast where unwavering faith meets real life. I'm Kristy, and together with my husband Tony, we dive into authentic conversations, offering biblical insights and sharing stories that inspire resilience, especially for families navigating the unique challenges of disabilities. Join us each week as we explore faith, family, and the journeys that keep us grounded in Christ. Don't forget to subscribe so you never miss an episode. Let's stand firm together.

Tony 0:39

Welcome

When Life Is Busy but Not Falling Apart

Tony 0:40

to another episode of Unshaken. My name is Tony, and I'm here with my lovely wife, Kristy. We've been talking recently about how every season of life has little things that quietly hold us together. This season that Kristy and I are in has been pretty full. I wouldn't say that we're in crisis mode, but each individually got pretty full plates. I know that for me I'm trying to finish up my Master of Divinity from Southern Baptist Theological Seminary. Got about four weeks left in that. With the podcast, we're trying to add some things and we're trying to do some things behind the scenes to just improve the the quality of it. And I think you guys are going to slowly start seeing those little things as we go. But all of it is time consuming with just also wanting to l live life and spend time with my wife and spend time with my kids and you know, serve in our church with other ministries and go through the the normal rhythm of life. These things are just busy and so it's not about hopeless or falling apart or anything like that. It's just full and busy. And because of that it's sometimes heavy. So we wanted to just take some time to talk with you guys about that, because maybe you feel like you're in that same season as well. Maybe you feel like your plate is full. You know, maybe there's no crisis, but it's very full, and and you're wondering, can I keep all the plates spinning? Can I keep all the balls in the air? And so we wanted to talk through some of the things that that we do to help us get through our days. And these things are probably gonna sound very small and very ordinary, but honestly, these small things, we treat them as as sacred because they are so important to us. And so again, maybe you're not in crisis right now, maybe life is just full. That still matters because full seasons can still wear you down over time, and we want to make sure that in these full seasons we don't get to the point where we collapse or something bad happens just simply because it is a full s full season.

Kristy 3:07

For

Little Rhythms That Help Us Keep Going

Kristy 3:08

us, there's so many like Tony said, they're just like silly little things, but they're just sort of baked into our lives, right? And I think that itself is just such a gift from God. I was trying to think of examples while Tony was talking. And one of the things is that each morning Tony and I drive in to work together. And if we use that time for any number of kinds of conversations, maybe it's just, you know, what's your day gonna be like, or something that's happening later in the week or whatever. But it's like 15 minutes that we get to spend and there's nothing to do but chat each other up. And so those little connection points really make a big difference for me. Personally, cleaning is a big theme in my life right now. I tend to listen to audiobooks while I clean. That's my escape hatch, is just listening to audiobooks. And when it's something like that, where your body doesn't really need your brain to drive the ship, it can just kind of handle it. I just really value that. It's, I feel like I've sort of gone on vacation in my mind while I was able to get some practical things done. Where if I had not had that ability or that opportunity, it would be miserable. I would be, I mean, it would just be a really rough chore on top of a really rough schedule when it wouldn't add anything. And I guess where I'm going with all of this is that some of these little things can take something that would be a detractor and make it a win. Maybe it's a TV show that you share with your person and you don't watch it by yourself and you guys, it's a special thing where you wait, you know, and we're not gonna watch the new episode of whatever it is until we're together. For us, we watch a lot of Food Network. And for me, that started because I fall asleep because I'm always tired. If I'm trying to watch a movie and I fall asleep, I'm gonna miss something. But if I'm watching beat Bobby Flay, doesn't really matter all that much who wins. It's just fun to watch it. And so for us, there's a you know, a lot of that kind of thing. And Tony and I, we don't watch much TV at all. When we do, it's because we're sitting in front of the TV eating dinner. It's just like, hey, we're opting out. We're we're gonna take this meal off and just opt out entirely. It's music. I think music's bigger for Tony, you know, probably than it is for me.

Tony 5:37

Music

Music as a Daily Reset

Tony 5:38

is something that has always been important in in my life. 95% of my day, I've got earbuds in my ears listening to some music, my worship playlist, or maybe it's just some instrumental music while I'm getting ready in the morning so that I don't get distracted by the worship music. Usually when I'm listening to worship music, I want to sing, I want to worship. So in the morning, uh while I get dressed, I usually will put on like some jazz or or something that's just purely instrumental so that I've got something in the background, but I can still focus on what I need to do to get ready and get out the door so that I'm not making us late to work or anything like that. So yeah, music is has always been really important to me.

Practical Graces in a Busy Season

Kristy 6:29

Anything that sort of is soothing or just sort of like helps to sort of regulate your nervous system while you're doing something that is not fun or stressful or whatever, like that is a help. But in terms of practical, I've been ordering groceries. It makes me a little bit sad because I like to go grocery shopping. I like to walk up and down the aisles and try to find something different, like some different combination of things to make or a different recipe or something like that. But man, does it save a lot of time when I at work and on a webinar or something and I'm ordering groceries through the Walmart app and I get home and they're on my porch. That is just magical. It just saves so much time when I'm I'm tired and I don't have to stop on my way home. That's just so cool. Our kids are, they're just phenomenal, such a blessing. And I know that in any given day, I'm gonna hear from at least two out of the three pretty much every day. It might just be for like 90 seconds. Um, a lot of times with our oldest, she's busy, she has a million things going on. She just finished her MBA. I would like to shout that out. But she'll call me and she'll be like, Mom, guess what? And then she tells me as fast as she can talk, and then she's like, Okay, I gotta go live you bye. And then she's gone. But just knowing that that those touch bases are gonna happen is really grounding for me. It really helps me to be steady. It helps me to feel loved and peaceful in moments where things could really spiral if I didn't have those grounding factors in my life. Sometimes it's the simplicity of knowing that, like on Sundays we go to church, you know, Sunday night we have life group, knowing that those opportunities for fellowship are gonna come and that we have friends around us that they're gonna want to hear how our week is and they're gonna say loving things to us, and we're gonna go in maybe with a half-empty bucket, but we're gonna leave with an overflowing bucket just because of the time spent there.

You Don’t Have to Live in Urgency

Tony 8:37

At the end of the day, humans are not built to live only in urgency and productivity. And unfortunately, like the world has tried to convince us that's how we should live because of all the things that happen in an instant. There's so many things that happen constantly, you know, whether it's social media, whether it's stuff at work, I mean, it just it feels like it's nonstop. But you don't have to be productive every minute of every day. There's no shame in naming any of these little things that help you like Kristy said, feel grounded, feel human again. Everything is gonna be okay. Sometimes the most faithful thing that we can do is to receive those little things and not feel guilty about 'em. Whether it is a phone call from our daughter who who does that. And guess what? That's grounding for for her as well. That's one of the things that she uses to steady herself. Maybe for you it's a quiet cup of coffee, maybe it's a quick walk around the block, maybe it's a song that just quiets your heart and and just relaxes you. It's whatever simple routine that just reminds you that it's okay to breathe. You're safe, things are fine, it's okay to take a break. And I know that for me, one of the things that really does help me is the people that I am so fortunate to have in my life. The friends that check in, whether it's a phone call or a text message, those text messages that come in have come at such opportune times. I love just getting those text messages uh just those little check-ins. It's not a big heavy thing, it's just friends just saying, Hey, was thinking about you. You know, how you doing? It just makes you feel like, you know what? I'm not alone. How grounding is that to know that you're not alone. You guys know that a lot of days w when I'm working, I'm sitting in a Starbucks doing everything that I can do for this podcast or anything else that I'm working on. It's been an honor to just get to know all of those baristas that that are in there. You know, to know them by name, to know a little bit about their lives and they know me by name, they know they know my order. Especially when they see that I'm busy working on my laptop. Instead of making me get up to go get it, if the shop isn't busy in that moment, they'll bring it to me. That's such a gift. I feel so, you know, blessed by that. But, you know, like Kristy said, our church community, the kids that do reach out at random times, and our middle baby reached out the other night and said, Hey, I'm playing dominoes and I'm thinking of you. That just made my night to hear that, and that's a game that we enjoy playing together, and and it was a game that I taught her how to play. That's just special. The people that I treasure are just the people that get it. They're either in the same space or maybe they've got family members with disabilities or something like that, so they get the language, they they understand where we are, and those those people are such a gift and they're so encouraging to me. We know it's a text message may not fix everything, but again, it just reminds me and hopefully it'll remind you that you're not forgotten. We're able to kind of carry a weight together. I think it's so important that we remember that, that we remember that we were never meant to carry this life alone. We're not meant to do it alone.

Kristy 12:41

I think that's

Asking for Help and Being Help for Others

Kristy 12:42

really important on both sides of that equation, too. It's we need to know that we should ask for help, that it's important to have those people in our lives that connect and all of those things, but also that it's important to be those things to other people because just like we're not meant to carry it alone, they're not either. I think part of the gift that God gives us in friendship and fellowship and connection is it's that reciprocity, right? It's that things go both directions. And it's not always in the same week or the same, even not even the same season. One person might be struggling and the other person needs to show up a lot more. But you just know with those connections that like there's gonna be a time when things get better. It'll shift back the other direction. And we just take care of each other. Part of what we're meant to do is take care of each other. I think that sometimes we set unrealistic expectations for ourselves. And I think that kind of goes hand in glove with carrying life alone when we shouldn't be doing that. Honestly, I can kind of speak at this one a little bit. It's a little raw for me. So recently, we've just

Being Fair to Yourself

Kristy 13:58

been carrying a lot, and some things started happening that were a little worrisome to me. And so I met with a therapist a couple of times. And one of the things that she said to me that really was helpful in kind of helping me to find my way around some of those expectations that I have set for myself. It's something that we all say to each other, right? We say it, you gotta give yourself grace. You gotta, you know, you have to treat yourself like you would treat anybody else. And, you know, if it's sort of that same thing that we say, but the way she said it to me, what she said was, you have to be more fair to yourself. And for me, like fairness is a thing. It's it's something that is very important to me. It's it's one of those like foundational values for me. Like I really like for things to be fair and I try to treat other people fairly and not lean in too much to, I don't know, just to never take advantage, I guess is is kind of what it is. And when she said that, I stopped for a minute and I was like, I think she could like see me processing. And she said, you know, would you give anyone else all of the things on your list? And I'm like, no. And she's like, then is it fair for you to do all those things without? And I was just like, oh my gosh, no, no, that is not fair. Sometimes I think it's just those nuanced little tweaky things that make it easier. Once I had that piece in place, I was convinced that I do need to build more margin back into my life. Like I have really become almost in like crisis mode a lot of the time. As things are wrapping up, I am being very intentional about not replacing some things, some activities or some things where, you know, it goes for a season and then you're done or whatever. I'm kind of letting some of those things fall by the wayside. And I am intentionally trying to build in just some easier things, simpler meals. I have a family that likes mashed potatoes. And if it's up to me, I peel the potatoes and then I cut them up and then I boil them and then I, you know, mash them with the sir mix a lot, my stand mixer, you know, with all the butter and all the salt, and they're really good. Recently, I've been buying the little tub of mashed potatoes in the grocery, and I just doctor it up a little bit with some butter and some salt, and that's what we have. And you know what? It's fine if nothing bad happens. One morning last week, I was tired and I just wasn't in a great place. And I messaged my team and I said, I'm coming in late. And I stayed home and I laid on the couch and talked to my husband for till 11 o'clock. And then I went to work and I had a great day. And you know what happened because I stayed home? Nothing. It was fine. So I think a lot of these things where we set expectations for ourselves that are really we set the bar high. As we are able to, I don't want to say that we lower the bar because it sounds like it's not that we're trying to make things too easy. It's that we're trying to get back to reasonable. And as we're able to find that more reasonable ground, things really do start to feel better. I have come to really love a home that is functional over a home that is pretty. Our furniture isn't placed in a way that you would think is, you know, the traditional way, but you know what? It works for us right now. It lets us get done in the house, things that we need to get done. Good enough is good enough. And I've been trying to let them be at good enough. Tony and I were talking about there's some things on the outside of the house that really need to be done like urgently. If I need to paint, there's a section of fence that needs repair. Like it's nothing that's crazy, things I could do in a, you know, in probably a weekend. And one of them is pressure washing. And we have a pressure washer. I mentioned it the other day. And Tony's like, why are you doing that? Like, why don't you let me do it? And I have to say, it never occurred to me. It didn't even cross my mind that somebody who wasn't me could do the pressure washing. And then I tried to be like, oh, well, you know, your balance and I'm just not sure how it would go. And he's like, I could lean against the car, if I could sit in a folding chair and just move it along every few minutes. And I was like, oh my gosh, you silly woman. Yes. Tony, thank you so much. I'm so stoked that you volunteered to pressure wash. And I'm really sorry that it never even occurred to me to ask. Like it just didn't cross my mind. All of this to say, I think, as we can identify things that either don't have to be perfect or where somehow we get the impression that we are the linchpin in everything that happens around us. I would never go into work late because, oh my gosh, what if my team needed me? You know what? I am not the sun in my solar system. I'm just not. I'm not that important. What was that important was for me to take a little minute. And it might be important for you to take a little minute too. So, you know, give it some thought. Think about that. Are you in a place where overperforming, unrealistic expectations, a drive to make things perfect, or to just do a little bit more? If if if those things are sounding familiar to you, I promise if you just take a little minute, the world won't come crashing down. I thought it would, but I was wrong.

Tony 19:26

I think

Ordinary Limits Are Not Failure

Tony 19:27

that there is some peace that comes to us when we stop treating ordinary limitations like failure. Dinner can be simple and still be loving. I can say this with absolute certainty. I don't care what my wife cooks me for dinner, I'm gonna be thankful and appreciative because whatever it is that that she made, it doesn't matter how simple or how fancy it is, I just get to eat food that someone who loved me prepared. And that's just awesome. Our house can be lived in and looked lived in and still be a place that is welcoming. We don't necessarily have to get everything done on our checklist. An unfinished day is okay. We can still honor God by the work that we do, even if we don't get everything done in a day. We're okay. It's important to just think about the different ways that we do honor God as we try to work through our days.

The Benediction and the Heart of God

Kristy 20:39

With regard to that, one of my favorite passages is it's from Numbers. It's it's the benediction that a lot of us hear on the way out the door as church is wrapping up, or at least did as kids. I went to Lutheran school growing up. A bunch of us kids would sit together in church and if we would slide out like right through the chapel door so that we wouldn't have to stand in line and blah, blah, wait and shake the pastor's hand and like we wanted to just go on and get some lunch or whatever. And one day he came to our classroom, to the confirmation class, and he said, Don't you know that when you guys leave early like that, you're missing the benediction? And that's a really big deal. This is why that verse connects so well with me. Um, actually, it's two verses, and what they say are, the Lord bless you and keep you, the Lord make his face shine on you and be gracious to you, the Lord turn his face toward you and give you peace. I feel like it was meant to be a benediction, but in reality, I think what it translates to, irrespective of whether you hear it from the pastor on Sunday or you just read it yourself on a Tuesday evening, it's really the heart of God toward his people. He wants those things for us. He keeps us. We wake up to live another day because he keeps us. We have food on the table because by a crazy series of events, we have employment and direct deposit comes and we can buy groceries. I mean, he keeps us, he sustains us, and he is so gracious to us. No matter what we do or how wrong we get it, no matter whose feelings we hurt or how just vulnerable we were to the enemy and we did something dumb, or, you know, having our priorities so out of order that our bodies suffer for it. We valued just the performance more than the rest that he told us to take. No matter how out of balance we get that, he's gracious to us. He's gracious every day. His mercies are new every morning. And he gives us peace. There's nothing that is peaceful that doesn't come from him, whether it's for some of us like to just read through scripture is really peaceful to be, you know, on the lake in a boat early morning and watch the sun come up super peaceful. Guess who that's from? The comfort of having your person sitting next to you on the couch watching some Beat Bobby Flay. Guess who gave you that person? It's from him. He gives us grace, he gives us peace, he gives us all of these things because he wants us to have this sense of equilibrium. His peace that passes understanding. He wants that for us. A text from a friend. So many people out of the blue, I guess the women in my life and I just have a habit of, you know, sending little memes or sending, you know, just a verse or, you know, whatever like that. And those seem to show up in just the toughest little minutes. You know what I mean? It could be something as silly as your phone dings, and you're like, oh, that's from her, you know. Even when things get really, really heavy, when things do get really tough, he'll pick you up and carry you. One time I was at a concert, and actually it was a it was winter jam. It was really cool. There was all these artists there. And um, the guy who was talking, he was standing on the stage, and um, you guys know it's like a thing. Like a lot of us when we sing our worship music, our arms just go up in the air. And I what he must have seen was some trepidation around that. Like some people's arms did go up and some people's didn't. And he said, if it's not that you feel moved by the music, he said, put your hands up like your kids do for you, and just say, Daddy, pick me up. Daddy, just hold me for a minute. One of those things that kind of has stayed with me. But he will. He'll pick you up and carry you when things are tough. If there's anything, and if you could just think of something that would be peaceful, my gosh, to be carried by him. I I can't think of anything that's more peaceful than that. He's near, he he stays with us, he's steady, he's consistent. He never leaves, he's always, always near.

Tony 25:08

And

Prayer, Scripture, Worship, and Perspective

Tony 25:09

I think this goes back to all of those things that we've talked about many times on on this podcast. But number one, just starting with prayer and how important it is to just have that prayer life and and just to take the time to pray. I know for me I I try to pray in the morning before my day really gets going because that for me helps me frame my own mindset of how I'm going to approach this day. I think it is spending time in his word with scripture and chewing on something. It doesn't have to be an entire chapter or whatever, maybe it's just a couple verses that you know you're working your way through something and a couple verses just hit you in a certain way, and they just stay with you. Maybe it is worship music. I love when I'm stuck and when I can't seem to get motivated to get some things done that I know that I need to get done, I will intentionally throw on worship music for 15 minutes, and I won't think about the work that I need to get done. I will sit and worship for 15 minutes, and that has a way of just giving me an emotional reset and allowing me to clear my mind, focus on him, and be able to say, Okay, we're starting over, we're gonna do this work as part of our worship. So the music may stop or the music may change, but we are going to continue worshiping by doing this work, whatever that may be. There's just so many moments of that perspective when you see things happen that just reminds you how wonderful he is. So you see a sunrise and you see the wonderful colors in the sky, you know, same thing with a sunset. There's so many little things that just give you perspective. The awesome thing about numbers, and this is one of those things that like these verses are kind of tucked away, and it's easy to miss them because you know, numbers is is such a it's such a book about lists. But these verses that they're not distant and they're not cold, they're tender. Because God does want to bless his kids. You know, sometimes the ways that he does this is not gonna be in the grand gestures, it's gonna be in those little things that Kristy and I have talked about throughout this episode. It's the grace that we get to be able to take the next step forward, the peace that we have to leave the checklist unfinished, the reminder because of somebody's loving text message, that you're not alone and that you're being kept close to him, even when life is feeling crowded and full and on the verge of crisis.

Finding Joy in Small Places

Kristy 28:42

Joy is here, right? It's among us, it's with us, it's there to be found. It's something that I talk about a lot because it's something that I I guess if I want to talk about the things that sustain me, the things that make it easier to just keep going when we're tired or, you know, anything in that bucket, it's joy, right? All of these things, all the things that we've talked about so far for me are finding little pieces of joy. This sky is pretty. Um, it brings joy. We had the sweetest pupper. He was such a good, good boy, brought joy. Um, pets just have a way of really just filling in any cracks in our hearts and just bringing so much happiness. It could be just, you know, a quick little conversation that hits you just the right way, or it could be having time to have a two-hour just catch-up session with a best friend that you haven't talked to in a few months, or anything like that that brings those tiny little joys. It might be a breeze on your face or the opportunity to learn something new, to feel like, you know, wow, I've grown. Like that sort of forward motion is it's comforting. It brings joy. It brings hope. And I think that because we're God's, we have hope. And because we have hope, we can have joy, you know, whether it's in the moment or maybe you are looking around and you don't see it in the moment. Because we have hope, we know that joy will come. Sometimes those tiny joys, like the things that bring us through a season, it doesn't have to be like one resounding like, here's your miracle, everything is good. It might just be a tiny kindness through your kids or through the clerk at the grocery or or whatever it might be, but just those thousands of tiny kindnesses could be what get you through.

What’s Saving You Right Now?

Tony 30:46

One thing I would just add to that, just that naming joy and naming those things that are joyful and bring joy to your heart, doesn't mean that we're pretending the hard parts aren't real. It just means that the hard parts they don't get the final say, they don't get the only word. There can be stress in the room and there can be a full plate and everything in the world going on and still be laughter at the table because we're around people that we know and love, and that know and love us and want to love on us because they know that our plates are full in the moment. There can be times when maybe your body is struggling, maybe your body is sore or weak because you've been carrying so much on your shoulders, but you still have hope and joy in your spirit. God is kind enough and he loves you enough to let the beauty continue to shine and break through even the hard moments when we are intentional about looking for them. In this moment, what's saving you right now? What's something, what's one thing right now that is helping you move forward even when your plate is full? What's quietly helping you? What's making life just a little bit softer, a little bit easier? What grace has God been placing in front of you lately that has given you not only the encouragement,

Closing Prayer

Tony 32:34

but maybe also the strength to just take one more step forward. And so this week, as you go forward, just pay attention to the grace that's already in front of you. Not because everything is easy and not because everything is just gonna go away magically, but because God is there sustaining you through so many little gifts each and every day. So let's go to Him and let's just thank Him for those gifts. Father, we come before you today just so thankful for you, so thankful that you are such a loving Father who does want to keep us and and bless us. And you allow us to see your face every time that we go through the pages of Scripture, every time we come to you in prayer, every time that we reach for you in worship. Thank you so much, Father, that you welcome us with open arms, and you love us that much. Thank you so much for your Son, who through His death, burial, and resurrection, provided a way for us to have a restored relationship with you. What a gift that we did not deserve, but you loved us so much, you gave it anyway. Thank you, Father, for being with us each and every day. It's in your son's name that we pray. Amen. Amen. Thank you guys so much. Hope you guys have a great rest of your day and a great rest of your week, and we'll see you next time.

Kristy 34:11

One

A Final Benediction

Kristy 34:12

quick thing, those of you who stayed till the end and didn't slide out the chapel door, here's your benediction one more time. The Lord bless you and keep you. The Lord make his face shine on you and be gracious to you. The Lord turn his face toward you and give you peace. Have a good week. Love you, friends. Thank you.